Consumed by remorse
by Alexandrite-Raven
Summary: Tino & Ber have a happy life but everything can change with one mistake. Will lives be lost? Can love forgive? Could it possibly be forgotten? Mainly SuFin but DenNor included
1. Chapter 1

So, as a lot of you are aware, this story originally belonged to fenhong-orchidea. For personal reasons, she was unable to continue it. I have offered my help in finishing it, I'm hoping I'll do a good job. I have 24/7 contact with her and all the chapters will be planned and approved by her before I publish them.

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Thinking back over the past few months, Berwald can't imagine a single moment where he has been unhappy with Tino. Life before they met is all a blur to him, it's as if there was no meaning to him, just an emptiness. Until he met this Finnish man, everything he had was like nothing. True, he had a job, his own house and enough money to buy a couple more houses. But what's the point in having all of this stuff if he had nobody to share with? Well, he didn't want just anybody anymore. He wanted Tino, the beautiful violet eyed young man. Ever since Berwald was first introduced to Tino he knew that there was something special about him and he was grateful to his Danish friend Mathias for forcing them to meet. The first thing he noticed when he saw the boy was his big eyes, glistening in the light, he looked very shy and small. Looking up to the Swede timidly, almost if he were waiting for something to happen. It was as if he were scared. But of course, Mathias had to make it less awkward by saying something stupid. Berwald just simply gave a smile at him so that he knew not to be so shy. He was relieved that he had been introduced to such a beauty. The next few weeks flew by and after a while they were comfortable with each other, and of course Berwald was the first to say the 'I love you' but Tino allowed it. He was really very happy about it. Tino wasn't used to having good things happen to him, he found it hard to accept the good things. But this time he really wanted to accept it even if it took him months, which it did.

When Berwald took Tino to the beach for the first time, he was so exited. Tino had never seen the real sea before that warm summers day. They first arrived at noon, the sun was right above them. Berwald had made sure that Tino wore sunblock and a hat, not wanting the boy to get ill. He ran right out towards the sea, eager to play in it. Berwald set up a small place where they would sit to eat and dry themselves and he caught up with the Finn. They played for a few hours until Tino was tired and hungry, Berwald had prepared a few sandwiches and snacks for them to eat before they went home. Sitting there Tino thought about all the Swede had done for him, he was grateful for everything. They spend most of their time together now, he is in all of his thoughts and now couldn't imagine what life would be like without him, well he didn't want to. At the end of the day they sat on a sand dune and watched the sunset, it was so peaceful and romantic. Tino felt that it was the perfect moment to finally tell Berwald how he really felt. He decided that he loved Berwald, and he is sure that they should always be together.

Laying in bed, Berwald holds Tino and thinks about how well his day went, it's his week off from work and he wanted to treat his boyfriend to a movie and a special meal that he had planned for the Finn. They had spent a few hours in the day shopping, buying some nice things and ingredients for tonight's meal that he was going to cook specially for the boy. Berwald had bought his lover some beautiful orchids to show his love for him, they resembled Tino's beauty. He hadn't had much time for Tino the past few weeks because of all the work he had to do, and for that he felt guilty, he couldn't show him just how important he was. Though, he wanted to make up for it in any way he could. Tino didn't seem to mind though. Berwald had a little surprise for Tino though, he could change his shifts at work and do some of his work at home, which meant that they would be able to spend a lot more time together after this month. Thinking about plans for tomorrow Berwald suddenly remembers.

"So, 'ave ya made yer mind up yet Tino? Y' can't put it off for much long'r ya know. Are ya gonna come?" Tino let out a displeased sigh.

"Uh... I don't know, I don't really feel like it."

"Come on, the party 's t'morrow. Ar'n't y' goin' to c'ngrat'late Elizaveta 'nd Roderic on their engagem'nt?"

"But Berwald my name is on the card and the gift! I really don't want to go." Tino sighed " I hardly know them anyway if I go it would be really awkward."

Berwald thought about persuading Tino for a few seconds but then again...

"Hmm, 'kay don't worry ya don't h've to come, 'm not goin' to force ya b'cause 't'll only make y' feel more unc'mfortable." Tino gave him a thank you "So, how w's dinn'r?" Berwald continued.

"Oh, not bad for a Swede!" They moved closer to each other on their bed, Berwald kissing the Finn lightly on the forehead. "You know, you really do make me feel special, I am so lucky I have you... I love you, Berwald."

" l've y' too, m' Tino." he gave him a tight hug "G'd night m' l've."

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Author notes~

Hey everyone! This is my first ever ff, so please give me some honest reviews. Thank you for reading~ Thanks so much to alexandrite-raven for being my helper/editor that I love so much! I will update with a new chapter every Monday ^^ Rated M for future chapters.

This story is now continued by me, with full permission from fenhong-orchidea. I do not claim rights to it and all the credit goes to her...


	2. Chapter 2

"Wake up Ber!" Tino whispered into his lovers ear wrapping his arms around the mans waist, it was already almost noon. Berwald groaned as he turned his face to the wall, pulling the blankets to his face to stop the light going to his eyes. "Aww, come on! I just want a good morning hug you know, I made your breakfast already. So, hurry up and get out of bed mister lazy." Berwald slowly sat up and rubbed his tired eyes. "'m not lazy..." He disagreed. "'m cold." Tino sighed, that makes sense, maybe. Well at least he was awake now anyway, he has the party today and he always takes a while to get ready.  
"Your breakfast is in the kitchen. Well, I say breakfast but I guess it's lunch now." Tino stated. Berwald signed and got out of bed and pulled his boyfriend closer to him. "G'd mornin' m' dear, what's the time?" The Finn smiled into the embrace, his boyfriend felt so soft. His bed hair was so cute and his deep tired voice was his favorite sound. It really is a good morning. "It's 11:30am already Ber, you slept for so long! I was waiting for you to wake for hours, it has been so boring." Berwald rolled his eyes at the boy. "Hmm, so why didn' y' just wake me earl'er? If I sleep f'r too l'ng I get a head'che." Tino grabbed his boyfriends hands and dragged him towards the kitchen so that he could eat. "Is your head hurting? Are you ill?" He was worried about him, Tino didn't want his boyfriend to be ill, he would miss out on the fun at the party. "No no, 'm fine. Don't worry so m'ch silly." "Shut up." Berwald chuckled as Tino gave him an evil look, he knew that would be his reaction to being called silly. He sat down at the breakfast table in the kitchen resting his head in his hands, still feeling too tired. "Eat." A plate of toast with cheese toppings with some eggs was placed on the table in front of him, it's one of his favorite breakfasts to eat, especially if he has a long day ahead of him. Well, he obeyed the orders from his boyfriend and ate his breakfast, then scrubbing his plate with a lime soap in the sink. "Th'nks" Tino came up behind him while he was washing the plates, hugging the man. "you're very welcome." Berwald smiled as he turned around to see his boyfriend, sweetly kissing his lips. Holding the Finn like this always gave Berwald a warm happy feeling. He could stay like this forever, just feeling the soft boy in his arms. His light hair had a scent of raspberry, Tino had his own smell, it was something that Berwald loved, he could smell it on his own clothes and in his bed when he falls asleep next to the Finn.

Berwald was getting ready for the party, he was going to wear his blue smart shirt with some dark trousers and black shoes. Too him this wasn't really too smart, it fit his body perfectly, complimenting his manly figure but not too much. He couldn't help but wonder about Tino. "So, wh't're ya goin' to do while 'm gone?" He asked the boy, he didn't want him to be bored or anything. He would prefer if he came to the party but he didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. "Well, I will do whatever. Watch a movie, read a book, wait for you to come home, take Hanatamago for a walk and I don't know. I will keep myself entertained, don't worry about me just go have some fun okay?" "Well, I w'n't stay out too late, I don't like leavin' ya al'ne." "Stop worrying I will be fine, I can take care of myself you know." Tino sighed. "Just have a nice time and don't forget to tell the happy couple I said congratulations!" "Hm, I won't forg't." Berwald smiled. "I'll get a lift fr'm Mathi's and Luk's soon, well any min'te now. I'll miss ya Tino." "I will miss you too, I hope you have a good time. You look very handsome." Mathias' car pulled over outside and the horn beeped. Tino walked with his boyfriend to the door and they kissed good bye.

The courtyard of the house decorated with shimmering balloons and ribbons, there's plenty food and drinks at the bar with a table full with bottles of alcohol and stacks of party cups, though people still seemed to be bringing their own drinks. Berwald wasn't a bad drinker but he didn't drink very often, though the amount of vodka at the party you could already tell who was here. "Hey Eliz'veta, Rod'ric," He gave them a nod. "Tino couldn't make it t'day but we would both like t' say congr'tul'tions on yer engagem'nt!" He hands them the gift he had bought for them. Roderic gives him a thank you. "Thanks guys, 'bout time you two tied the knot, right?" Elizaveta winked at Berwald, maybe it was the time. He coughed. "Well, maybe." The couple were called over and they went to greet some other guests that had just arrived. Their house was very big, it was sure that they must have spent a lot more money on their house than Berwald had spent on his. It must have at least 6 bedrooms and even more studies. The back of their house overlooked a view of the city, it was a peaceful image. The house was only around 20 minutes away from where Berwald lived, so it wouldn't take a long time if Berwald had to walk which he would have if Mathias didn't insist on bringing him. Come to think of it, where did Mathias and Lukas get to? Berwald strolled through the large room to where he saw Mathias sitting in the living room on the sofa all on his own, which is odd for him. "Hey Mathi's, where did Luk's get to? Y' two're usually insep'rable!" "Oh?" Mathias was dazed, like he was deep in thought. "He is just catching up with Emil, they haven't seen each other for a while. I'm glad they got to catch up though, I haven't seen any of my friends but you and Tino lately I don't know what's happening to everyone." Mathias didn't seem upset but it seemed as if there was something bugging him, and not this. "So, what's wr'ng? Ya don't seem yerself..." Mathias let out a small laugh. "Nah. Let's just go get something to drink." He smiled, got up and walked to the bar, Berwald following not far behind. Mathias turned around and handed a large cup of some weird alcohol to Berwald, they didn't know what it was but they drank it anyway. "To Elizaveta and Roderic!" They toasted.

The night passes like a blur, just bright lights, flashing colors and loud music booming into everyone's ears. They don't remember how much they have drunk, but who cares right? As long as they're having fun then whatever. Berwald stumbles over towards one of the sofas and threw himself down, laughing at whatever there is to laugh at and Mathias follows him seconds later. Only half of the guests are still here and they were mostly drunk and dancing. Berwald had been dancing for most of the night, with everyone, he was so drunk that he even danced with people he didn't know or like. He wished that Tino would have came, he missed out on so much fun. Lukas was passed out somewhere and Emil had went home in a taxi about an hour ago, though they had no idea about the time and totally forgot about going home due to how drunk they were by now. "Mmmathi's..." Berwald sighed. "This 's the best. Party. Everrrrr." "I know right! and nobody was even fighting this time! Oh my God. Someone ate my food! I left it and it's gone." "Eh?" Berwald pushed Mathias on to the floor from on top of him. "OUCH!" He cried. "What you do that for?" "Ya're so fr'kin' h'avy!" "Shut up, I'm not." Mathias jumped back on top of Berwald to show his point, that he was actually heavy. Berwald groaned. "Ya alm'st killed me!" "How dare you, I would never hurt you purposely!" Mathias forced Berwald to the ground, pushing him off the sofa and sitting on top of him, holding him down so that he couldn't escape. "You can never escape me, you, you... Swede!" "Wh't did ya just call me? A Swede! Ye're right, 'm Swed'sh... Wha'?" Berwald looks up at Mathias, his face dark like a silhouette because of the light shining behind him. "I can't see ya." Mathias could feel his pants getting tighter, the friction from sitting on top of Berwald isn't gonna help. "Berwald." The Swede hums in response. "I can see you, your eyes are so bright from here." "Mathi's, I can feel ya, ya know." "How is it?" "Hmmm..." Berwald hums to Mathias, not really knowing what he is actually thinking. "Come with me." Mathias stands up and pulls Berwalds hand. "Don't worry, it's gonna be fun." Berwald just agrees and follows Mathias. They walk through the rooms, loud music booming and lights flashing everywhere, time going slowly. They push past the crowds of laughing, dancing people and climb the long wooden stairs until they reach the first floor. "How do ya know where ye're goin'?" Berwald asks curiously. "Dunno." They walk down the halls, Mathias opening doors until he finds what he was looking for. A large bedroom, the room is obviously a guest room cause it's empty and there's not much personality in it, other that the modern decor that goes with the rest of the house. Mathias leads Berwald into the dark bedroom and closes the door behind them.

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**Author notes~**

Hello people! New chapter, hope you enjoyed it. Pleas please give me some honest reviews and advice so I know how to improve ~warning next chapter includes smut~ Thanks to alexandrite-raven, my special friend, for being my editor/helper and everything else really. I will update the next chapter Monday or sooner, see you! ^^

This story is now continued by me, with full permission from fenhong-orchidea. I do not claim rights to it and all the credit goes to her...


	3. Chapter 3

After locking the door behind him Mathias jumps onto the huge bed, beckoning Berwald to come closer with his finger. Berwald walks timidly towards him, not knowing how to react. Mathias quickly yanks the Swedes shirt off for him, buttons popping off and flying everywhere, tossing it to the ground. Not knowing how to react, Berwald just gasps in surprise as he is pulled down towards the bed, being trailed with kisses on his neck and chest. Mathias moves from beneath Berwald and flips their positions, straddling the mans lap and taking his shirt off. Looking at his surroundings, the room spinning all over the place, Berwald forces his eyes closed. Panting, Berwald pulls the boys face closer with his hands in his hair, and kisses the boy back. "Hmm, I'm so hard Ber... Do something.." Mathias moans, trying to take of his jeans and failing. Opening his eyes to see the boy fail Berwald helps him tugging his jeans down along with his pants to reveal his boner. Holding the Danes cock, he moves his hand up and down making the other moan for more "Ber, more! i need more!" He moves his hand faster and pushes harder to get more of a reaction from him. rocking his hips against the swedes growing erection, Mathias moves and helps Berwald to remove the remaining clothes on his body, tossing them to the floor with only one thing on his mind. Mathias kisses him and caresses him whispering into his ear. The Swedes mind is all over the place, dizzy. "I want you inside me Ber, now." Trailing his hands down Mathias' sides, Berwald loses control and decides his next move. He pulled the boy close so that he could reach underneath him, forcing a finger into his hole. Slowly realizing what he was doing, Mathias stopped the finger. Berwald gazed forward in confusion. "I want it rough, I want you now!" He moves himself back, positioning himself over the Swedes cock, pushing himself downwards , with a pained scream. Lowering himself further onto the hard cock, he suddenly feels the pleasure as Berwald thrust his his forward. "More god damn it! more!" Mathias moans to Berwald. Berwald moans in response, but this time in pain. Pain banging in his head, he can't take it. The double images of Mathias confusing him even more. His head falls back onto the pillows that are on the bed and everything went black.

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**Author notes~**

hey everyone! meh sorry that I updated so late! Personal reasons. anyway, short chapter is short okay. thanks to alexandrite-raven for helping me plan/write this and basically many things. many things. thanks again dear~ I will update next week or so asap okay, see you!

This story is now continued by me, with full permission from fenhong-orchidea. I do not claim rights to it and all the credit goes to her...


	4. Chapter 4

Berwald woke up the next morning, sunlight gleaming through the window into his face, with a painful headache. He slowly sat up, pulling the quilts from him and getting out of the bed. Without thinking he pulled his trousers from the floor and put them on, buckling his belt and grabbing his phone out of his pocket. Berwald groans as he sees 21 missed calls and texts from Tino. Worried about his boyfriend. '_What_ _could be wrong with Tino? Is he alright_?' He looks around the large unfamiliar bedroom and finally captures sight of the figure in the bed. Mathias. Images of the last night came slowly back into Berwalds mind one by one. "Wh't the?" he shouted. "Mathi's! Wake up now ya assh'le!" The dane moaned in the bed, pulled the blankets from his face and opened his eyes slowly to see the Swede towering over him next to the bed. Ugh. "Uh, what?" He asked confused. "L'st night? Ya made me... do th'ngs! What 'bout Tino huh? Didn't ya think? Did ya even think 'bout Nik'las? We both have boyfr'ends! What 'f they leave us? I can't live without Tino. I don't ev'n think I can live with m'self after this." "Hey, I didn't do anything!" He defended "Don't blame me." "Wh't were ya thinkin'? Takin' advant'ge of me, ya knew I was drunk and ya still did this. Think of what's gonna happ'n now? Wh't 'f Tino knew? How would he feel?" Berwald raged at the Dane. "I can't ev'n look at ya!" He put on a shirt from the closet, unlocked the door and ran out of the house.

When he walked through the door of his home he found Tino in the living room watching TV, without saying a word or looking at him he quickly walked down the hall silently, taking his clothes off on his way. He went straight in the bathroom to shower, throwing his clothes into the hamper. He tries to make his shower last longer savoring each water droplet that burned his dirty skin. He didn't want to face his boyfriend, already feeling guilty and sick. '_what have I done?_' he thinks, the sick feeling in his stomach almost hurts, his heart burning in his chest. He can almost sense himself losing the only thing that ever made him happy, Tino.

Confused, Tino jogs down the hallway to stand outside the bathroom door. "Ber? Are you alright?..." He asked, concerned "Where were you last night? I was so worried about you. It's okay though, you're home now. I guess Mathias looked after you, well I hope so. I just hope you had fun last night. I couldn't sleep last night, I was waiting for you..." "'m sorry." was the only response he got from the Swede.

Later that night Tino shuffled into the bedroom to hear a painful sound. His boyfriend was curled up into a ball in the bed, sobbing. To Tino, this is an unusual sight, nothing has ever made Berwald cry, not since they have been together. This is the first time he has seen his boyfriend crying, and it hurts him to see him like this. He crawled across the bed to his lover. "Ber? What's wrong?" He sat behind his boyfriend and put his arms around him. "What's happened? You can tell me you know." "I, I can't." he cried. "I don't want t' talk 'bout it. Please." Tino pulls himself back, confused. '_What could it be? If he doesn't_ _want to tell me, it has to be something bad, right? I'm so scared._' "Ber, please. It's going to be alright. I'm here for you, I'll understand whatever it is. I want to help you. Let me. It hurts, seeing you like this." "'m sorry..." He sniffled "'m fine." "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, I understand." "It, it's not. 'm sorry." "Berwald! Stop saying sorry, everything is going to be fine. I promise you." Berwald turned around to face his innocent boyfriend. He looked into Tino's big violet eyes, he could tell how concerned he was for him and suddenly he felt even more guilty. Even more tears began to roll down the Swedes hot cheeks.

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Author notes~

So, hey! Sorry for being so late and short, and obviously pushing these feels all over the place. Please give reviews, and yeah if there's something wrong you can PM me~ Thanks to alexandrite-raven for being my beta and everything, thanks for everything!

This story is now continued by me, with full permission from fenhong-orchidea. I do not claim rights to it and all the credit goes to her...


	5. Chapter 5

Over the past few weeks things have been hard. Four weeks had dragged along slowly, just one month feeling like a whole storm filled year. Berwald felt his life spiraling down, like he was falling into an endless black hole of self-loathing. Everywhere he went it seemed as though he was being followed by a dusty fog, guilt. Chipping Berwald's heart away with every passing hour spent with Tino. Tino, who was questioning him about something that he couldn't even answer. Every time that he was asked all the questions that were on Tino's mind, questions about what had happened, what was wrong with him, why this had started, he could feel the boys eyes boring into him waiting for answers. He raked his mind for excuses, thoughts, anything to distract him, anxieties growing deep in his stomach, making him sweat and feel sick. Trying to tell Tino everything, almost forcing the words out of his mouth, but all that came out was a panicked breath, almost causing him to have a panic attack right there in the middle of their small living room. The more time that had went, the more he pushed Tino away, his guilt forcing him away. Tino didn't deserve to be with someone who betrayed him like this, someone who was guilty. His sleepless nights, filled with insomnia, thoughts running through his head about Tino, about what happened, about what will happen. He couldn't keep them from invading his mind. Over the past few weeks Berwald has become filled with despair, overcome by loneliness and without any will to carry on.

He was sitting at the large armchair, close to the window overlooking the garden leading to the main road. The window was cracked open slightly letting in a flow of humid air with the sound of rain pelting at the cold glass. A loud noise caused Berwald to break from his long stare. He looked around the room, watching his boyfriend walk across the room. He picked up the phone, stopping the high pitched ring. "Hello?" he questioned into the phone. "Oh, hey Nikolas!" An odd pain shot through Berwald and his stomach flipped, he could feel himself going pale. What could he want? He could hear the muffled voice mumbling something on the other end, though he couldn't tell whether he sounded positive or not. "Oh?" Tino sounded confused. "Yeah, that's fine, I'll come over now. See you." He put the phone down and looked towards Berwald who was giving him a puzzled look. "Nikolas said he has to talk to me about something important, he asked me to go to his now. Will you be okay on your own?" Berwald nodded at him, for reassurance. "Okay then, see you later." "Goodbye Tino."

After Tino had left the house, Berwald watched him get into the car, listening to the dull sound of the engine as he drove away. He'd has this opportunity many times, but this time he knew it was the right time. He couldn't wait any longer, it had to be done. After all, Tino would be much better off without him, right? Right. It's the only thing that made sense to him now, it was so clear in his head. Tino didn't need him, and he would be so much happier without him. The only thought in Berwalds head, it would circle his mind for hours, all day everyday. Berwald didn't deserve Tino's kindness, he didn't deserve Tino at all, he didn't deserve the happiness he gets from being around the boy he loved. Not after everything he had done to him. Maybe it was just one thing that he had done, one mistake. But it was the worst thing he could have ever done to the one person that meant so much to him. He had made mistakes before, but this time, this one was unforgivable. Berwald ran down the hall towards the kitchen. He wanted so badly just to cry, he could feel it building up in his throat. An aching pain developing, but nothing would happen, no tears just pained whimpers. He pulled on the wooden draw next to the sink, forcing it wide open. He yanked out a notepad, filled with lined paper of past notes and shopping lists, flicking through the ink-filled pages, he searched for a blank page which he could write on. When at last he found what he was looking for, he quickly ripped the page out, careful not to tear it in half. Shoving it on the hard side, he quickly searched further for a pen. After he had pushed the draw closed he started at the already slightly crinkled paper.

After folding the paper in half, and scribbling _TINO_ on it, he put it on the table in the kitchen, making sure that it would be the first thing Tino would see when he first entered the room. He quickly fetched what he needed and went into the bathroom without thinking, pulling at the stringed cord to switch the bright light on. This is it. He leaned against the wall, and slip to the ground, slumping himself on the floor. He looked at the object in his hand, staring. He wasn't even scared for what was about to happen. All he could feel was complete numbness, coursing through his body. He unfolded the blade of his Swiss army knife, hearing a loud click, it was stiff. Old. He'd had it for many years. He gazed at it, watching the smooth blade glistening, reflecting the bright light. He brought it to the smooth skin at his wrist, thinking for a minute, trying to reason with himself. But he just couldn't, this was it, this was all he wanted to do. Without a second thought he forced the blade down, using all the force he had. Making sure that he'd done enough damage, ignoring the excruciating pain he couldn't feel anything, just numbness as he dragged the blade deeper. Deeper and deeper until he didn't have enough strength to carry on, until he couldn't hold the knife any longer. He watched as it fell to the floor, making a clacking sound as it hit the hard tiled floor. His dark clothes were now stained with crimson liquid, covered in a warm, salty metallic scent.

Tino had been gone just over an hour or so, as he walked into the house he closed the door silently behind him. The reason why Nikolas wanted to talk to him, wasn't so urgent after all. They had just been talking about plans for the summer, Nikolas thinks it would be a good idea to go on holiday. On a road trip, to the beach, camping. They just didn't know what to do yet. So, maybe Berwald would have some ideas. He walked into the kitchen, calling Berwald. No reply. He walked to the bedroom calling out again. _Hm, where could he be?_ He looked into the rest of the quiet empty rooms and made his way towards the bathroom, the thick carpet silencing his footsteps. He pulled down on the silver handle and gently pushed the door open. "Berwald?"

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Author notes~

So, hey. Sorry about making it soo depressing. To be continued... ~ Please give me some honest reviews and I don't mind if you wanna complain about anything, just PM me :) see you next time! Thanks for reading~

This story is now continued by me, with full permission from fenhong-orchidea. I do not claim rights to it and all the credit goes to her...


	6. Chapter 6

Sitting in the waiting room, Tino hoped for some news, soon. Especially hoping that it was good news. Though, he was buried in anxiety as he waiting, patiently. How could he know? If it were bad news what would he do? he sighed deeply. He analysed the waiting room, a blue-greyish color of the walls and a dark blue, almost black carpet laid over the hard floor. The squishy leather chairs weren't entirely comfortable, but they weren't as bad as fully plastic chairs. The scent of the hospital was a mixture of old peeling paint and anti-bacterial gel, at least in this room it was. It wasn't a pleasant smell but it was something to be expected in a hospital. He heard faint footsteps, shortly after a door was pushed open and a young female doctor came quickly walking through. She had dark hair and eyes, she looked as if she were in her late twenties but still as if she aged well. She gave him eye contact. "Tino Väinämöinen?" She asked. Tino stood up to greet her, his stomach felt sick with fear or what was going to happen next, was it going to be good news or bad? "Yes" He nodded, it almost sounded like he was asking her a question. "I would like to talk to you about Mr. Oxenstierna. Please, come this way." She led him through a set of double doors, into an empty corridor, away from the other people in the waiting room. He couldn't help but sigh. Afraid of what might be said next, he looked at her, with a questioning look. "We have finally managed to stop Mr. Oxenstiernas bleeding, also stitched up his wound. The wound was quite deep and he has lost a lot of blood, we have checked his blood type and are giving him a blood transfusion right now. We are sure that he will be fine in the next couple of days, it could take up to a few weeks though and he needs to keep rested and have enough iron in his diet. Suffering from this amount of blood loss will make him weak for a while. Be sure to take care of him when he goes home." She gave him a stern, caring look. "For the mean time, you could fetch some luggage for Berwalds stay." Relief washed through the whole of Tinos body, making him feel weak at the knees. He needed time, time to think about what had happened, what was going on. His heart beat fast, almost jumping through his chest. "Can I see him, before I go?" She nodded at him and led him through another set of double doors, then into a small room. "You have an hour." She told him. He walked into the room and the door closed behind him, the doctor left him to be alone with his boyfriend. He looked at the limp, lifeless body. Eyes closed, he looked peaceful. The only way he knew he was alive was the sound of the beeping monitor to the right of the bed and the sight of Berwalds chest slowly moving up and down in time with his breathing. He was hooked up to a wire, which was giving him blood. Good, he was going to live. Now that Tino knew that he was going to be fine, everything felt better, almost. He could feel the relief, like tons of weight had been lifted from on top of him.

He slowly approached the plain hospital bed where Berwald was sleeping, still sleeping from what had happened that afternoon. He'd been sitting in the waiting room for hours, minutes dragging along slowly. It had to be around 7pm by now, visiting hours ended at 8pm. He scanned his boyfriends body, staring at the mans left arm. His skin was pale, paler than usual, but not as pale as it was a few hours before. Tino felt better now that he could see Berwald, see him alive and breathing. He should have knew. Berwald had been off with him for weeks, he was sad but why? Nothing could add up to him. Why had Berwald done this to himself? It angered Tino, what could have been so bad for him to make him do this? It was selfish, as if Berwald didn't think about how Tino would feel. Tino didn't know what to feel, what to do. Tino pulled a black plastic chair from the corner of the room, putting next to the bed so that he could sit next to his boyfriend. He slumped himself in it and buried his head in his hands as he started to sob uncontrollably. "Berwald, why?" He cried quietly "All of this, it feels like I'm dreaming, the worst nightmare I've ever had. I just wish it were, so that you could just come and wake me up soon. Just like before." Tino paused, tears pouring down his face silently, he couldn't keep his voice from cracking. "How could you do this?" He whispered. "I was looking everywhere for you... and when I found you, I panicked, I wish I could take all of this away... If you're hurting, just tell me. Please, don't ever do this to me again. I couldn't live without you." Tino watched as Berwalds right hand slowly moved, gripping the blankets in a gentle fist. His eyes flickered to the mans face, his eyes were still closed but his eyebrows were pulled together in a painful expression. Was he listening? Tino felt weak, and he trembled as he sighed, trying to calm his breathing and stop himself from crying. "Berwald?" Tino questioned. "Are you awake?" The Swede opened his eyes slowly to gaze at Tinos worried face. Berwald hummed, to answer the question from Tino, who let out a long sigh. Berwald cleared his throat before saying sorry, though it didn't feel to be enough. They just looked at each other for what seemed to be a very long time. "I have to go soon. But, I'll be back tomorrow. I will bring you some clothes." He was sure that he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. Tino wanted to cry even more, but he was going to be strong, for Berwald. He put his hand on the bed, grabbing hold of Berwalds cold fingers, holding them. His skin was still as soft as ever. After feeling like he would never be able to hold Berwald again, it was a relief to see his eyes shimmering, to see him breathing and to feel his hand in his. Berwald just nodded at him, he opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out so he closed it again. He didn't know what to say to Tino, his mind was blank. The door knocked, causing Tino to lose eye contact with Berwald, and the young doctor from earlier opened the door. "Visiting hours are over now." She gave them both a smile. Tino pulled Berwalds hand to his face and closed his eyes in pain as he gave him a good bye kiss. He stood up next to the bed. "I love you." He walked slowly to the door, giving Berwald one last look and a small smile before leaving.

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Author notes~

Hey, I'm actually updating on time this time! Isn't it great? Sorry about all the sadness, it will get better, I promise! Send honest reviews and stuff! Thanks for reading~

This story is now continued by me, with full permission from fenhong-orchidea. I do not claim rights to it and all the credit goes to her...


	7. Chapter 7

When Tino got home, he gave a long sigh as he pushed the front door closed to stare into the dark emptiness. He pushed himself onto the armchair next the window, where Berwald had sat the day before. It was calming sitting here, but he was still on edge. He could smell Berwald everywhere in the house. His thought suddenly moved the to bathroom. It's a mess, he doesn't want to face it, but he has too. He went into another room, fetching as much cleaning things as he could fit in his arms and shoved it on the floor next to the bathroom door. Then he went back to fetch a mop and bucket. He forced himself into the room to clean up, almost breaking down at the sight, but he had to stay strong. Everything was the same as it had been left, the light was on and he could see the blade on the floor next to where he had found Berwald. The image of things just brought back all the memories of what had happened, it was all so clear. It brought sharp pains into his chest and a sick feeling in his stomach. It took him a while to clean up, but even though the floors had been scrubbed clean and there was no blood to be seen, Tino couldn't get the image of it out of his mind, almost as if the blood would never be washed away. Tino got up and tidied everything away, tired. He went to the bathroom to shower, taking off his clothes and leaving them on the floor. He took a long thoughtful shower, crying into the heavy water droplets that were falling onto his warm body. When he got out of the shower he put on his pajamas and grabbed his dirty clothes, remembering something. He grabbed into his pocket and unfolded the note, beginning to read what had been messily written.

'Tino, by the time you get this message it will already be too late. But, I have to do this. I need to tell you everything, you deserve to know. Most of all, I just have to say sorry. I can't explain how sorry I am. I know that after telling you this, I'll lose you and I can't cope with it, I don't know how I could ever live without you, and right know it's killing me, living with myself knowing that I'm guilty, what I have done is unforgivable. I know you have asked me a thousand times what's wrong with me, and I wanted to tell you, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I just couldn't. That night, at the party. I made the worst mistake. I got to the party, and me and Mathias, we got drunk. But, we slept together and I passed out. I woke up the next morning, and I just freaked out okay. I didn't know what to do. How the hell could I have done that? Anyway, after confessing the disgusting truth all I can say is I'm really sorry. I really am. Goodbye Tino. I do love you.'

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This story is now continued by me, with full permission from fenhong-orchidea. I do not claim rights to it and all the credit goes to her...


	8. Chapter 8

Tino gripped the paper, holding it hard in his hand almost ripping it. He stared at the note, almost burning a hole through it. He was shocked, he couldn't make sense of what he'd just read. His throat hurt, like there was something stuck in it, stopping him from making any noise. He forced his eyes shut and he could feel himself moving, like he was spinning around though his feet were planted firmly into the ground. His eyes fluttered open as he watched as the room was moving around him. He suddenly went light headed and everything went black.

He opened his eyes puzzled by what he sees, he was laying in the middle of the floor in his pajamas. He slowly sat up and images of what had happened all came back to him, and then he felt angry. What had he just read? Tinos face heated up and he was red. He ran down the hall and into the living room where he had left his phone and he quickly dialed the number. It seemed like it rang for hours before it cut off. He glanced at the clock. It was 11pm. He tried calling again, this time it rang only three times before a voice asking hello. "Mathias?" he shouted down the phone. "What the hell?" "Hey, Tino. Chill out man, what's up?" Tino was red with anger, he didn't know what to say to the man, but the words just slipped from his mouth. "You know what's up!" Tino screamed. "I know everything. About you and Berwald. What happened at the party. I was wondering for weeks what the hell was up with Berwald but now, now it all makes sense and I was stupid for not realizing." He listen to what was happening at the other end, he could hear Nikolas asking Mathias what Tino was talking about. But it didn't seem like he was wondering, like he had no clue. It was like Nikolas had heard everything that Tino has just screamed at Mathias. That's when he heard the loud beep. Mathias had hung up on him. Tino screamed in rage and smashed his fists into the wall. If he isn't going to give him answers over the phone, he is going to have to answer to him in person. He ran down the hall, grabbed any jeans and shirt he could find, pulling them on quickly. Tino pulled the note from the floor forcing it into his pocket. Then he grabbed the car keys from the fire place and ran to the car, slamming the front door shut behind him.

Once he reached the house, he ran through the door towards the living room where he saw a red faced Nikolas standing a few steps in front of Mathias, who had a blank expression. Nikolas was crying, he was in  
hysterics. Instantly, Tino felt sorry for him. He ran over to Mathias, pinning him against the wall. "How could you?" he shouted in his face, which was a few centimeters away from his. He could feel the anger in his veins as he gripped Mathias at the throat. His face now glowing red. "Stop!" Nikolas cried. "He can't breathe!" Nikolas ran over, forcefully yanking at Tino, pulling him away from the man. Tino stared as Mathias wrapped his arms around himself, trying to catch his breath. They all looked at the ground, speechless. After a few  
seconds, Mathias was the one to break the silence, still breathing heavily. "I-I'm sorry. It was a mistake." He looked at Tino, worried. "How did you find out?" Tino thrust his hand straight into his pocket and pulled out the crumpled up note that Berwald had written to him and forced it into Mathias' hands, telling him to read. Tino watched Mathias as he read the note, his face slowly looking more and more horrified as each second went by. Then he slowly handed the note back to Tino. "Where is Berwald now?" Without thinking he murmured to Mathias, informing him of what had happened, explaining that he was in the  
hospital. Nikolas broke down in even more tears, screaming at Mathias all sorts of things, that Tino couldn't quite make out. All he noticed that Nikolas was angry, and telling Mathias that he was leaving. He didn't say how long for or where he was going, but he ran out, slamming the living room door behind him.

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~Author Notes

Sorry for the late update, personal reasons and stuff... Anyway, thank you for reading~

This story is now continued by me, with full permission from fenhong-orchidea. I do not claim rights to it and all the credit goes to her...


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